Grief: Losing a Pet & My Grief Journey

This is the personal story of a student contributor to the Love Always Veterinary Care page.

I must think of my pet before I think of myself. That’s what I remind myself of every time I think about the decision. By “the decision,” I mean putting the dog’s needs first and accepting that it’s her time. You see, for the past few years, my dog dealt with many health issues, from cancer to blindness. But she beat all the odds up until kidney failure this year. This year was tough and I was confronted with grief.

We tried everything we could before making the decision. However, no matter what we did to help or the treatment our vet prescribed, there was no change. We could see she wasn’t getting better, so we knew what we had to do. I think no matter how much we tried to avoid it, deep down, we knew it was her time. It’s been three weeks since my family and I made the tough decision of putting our beloved dog down. She was 16 years old. 

I’ve experienced loss before but never has it hurt this much. I have this pain and emptiness in my chest that builds with every breath. I guess that comes with being a pet owner, accepting that one day it will end. But why does it hurt so much? It’s because our pet is more than just a pet to us. Our pet is a best friend and a family member. They’re there every step of the way, whether it's as little as sitting on the couch or being by our side during significant events. It’s a solid, loving bond, which is why their passing can be so painful, profound, and overwhelming. But once you remember the connection, then you can take the first step to mourn your pet. Just know, it’s okay to grieve the death of your pet. 

What I have learned about grieving the loss of a pet

It’s okay to grieve a pet, no matter how short or long it may take you. Grief is different for everyone. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Likewise, there’s not an exact checklist or set pattern to the grieving process. Instead, it can help to do what feels fitting to you and your situation. The level of grief you experience and the way you grieve often depends on your age and personality, the age and circumstance of the loss of your pet, and the relationship you had with your pet. While facing loss is a part of life, there are healthy methods to manage sorrow, accept the grieving process, and eventually move forward.  

Things I have learned about managing grief: Permission to express your emotions

There is no doubt that with loss comes sorrow, but there may be a wave of other emotions you may feel as you comprehend your new reality. Despair, guilt, anger, depression, shock, anxiety, worry, and irritation, to name a few. What has been working for me is to feel any and every emotion while grieving the loss of my dog. However, I don’t hold on to the pain or negativity. I don’t let it control me, or else I’ll never move forward. I feel it, understand it, learn from it, but let it go once I’ve let it out. This is my healing process, going through all the motions. Maybe it can help you as well. 

Honor your pet

This can be having a ceremony, going to a meaningful place, or doing something at home to honor your pet’s memory. If possible, involve family members to say a few words, find closure, or support you emotionally. 

Find an outlet

Instead of being strong or dismissing your emotions, finding a creative outlet can help. Write out your thoughts and feelings. Draw or paint your sentiments. There are many ways to release emotions and find clarity. While art can help heal, some aren’t ready to express their feelings. In my case, it’s an outlet to relax, distract, pass the time, or even as self-care as I’m coping. I’m creating a safe and comforting place to encourage healthy ways of healing. I try not to push myself. It can help to do what works best for your mental and emotional health. 

Talk to someone

You don’t need to do this alone. Sometimes, loneliness can make things worse. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need support. Don’t be afraid and ashamed to talk to someone or need someone to listen. Look to people who have gone through or are currently experiencing the loss of a pet, which may include friends and family. There are also local support groups and online communities that can help as well. Veterinary Wisdom and Pet Hospice have Facebook support groups to help those dealing with the grief surrounding pet loss.

These groups create a safe place to gain relief, express sadness, and empathize with others who truly understand your situation. Lastly, talking to a professional  if you are able can help you find relief. If you want to speak to someone, you can find support on our Grief Resources page. You’ll be able to work through your grief and find ways to manage the loss. All these methods can help better your mental and emotional health.

Allow yourself to grieve

The loss of a pet is difficult because you’re not just losing a pet. You’re losing a friend, a family member, a loved one. It's a remarkable and loyal bond like no other. So, it’s okay if you’re having a hard time with the grief. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve your loss. Take care of yourself. Give yourself permission and time to grieve while you go through this loss. There’s no need to rush or jump back into things. I have noticed that each day I have moments when I am less sad, but I take it day by day. 

You can find further resources below for coping with pet loss on our Grief Resources page.