Euthanasia & the Presence of Children
Should Children be Present for Euthanasia?
This is a question that we get asked all the time, and it can be a difficult decision to make. Of course, every parent hopes that they can protect their child from pain or discomfort. Because of this, parents oftentimes wish that their children not be present. However, we strongly believe that all children should have the opportunity to say goodbye to their friend. Whether or not you choose to have your child present for the actual euthanasia depends greatly on their age and maturity.
Children Under 4
Very young children, ages 4 and under, are not likely to comprehend what is happening with their pet. They are usually too young to understand concepts like sickness and death. Therefore, young children are more likely to react to your emotions than to their own. In these cases, it may be best to let your child say goodbye, and then have a babysitter or friend stay with your little one. This will allow you to to completely present with your pet.
Children Aged 5 - 7
The ages of 5-7 are somewhat of a gray area. 5-7 year olds are old enough to have developed a strong attachment to their furry friend, but they might not be quite old enough to fully understand what is happening and why. They might not know how to talk about your pet’s condition or what questions to ask. In this case, we suggest that you explain what is happening as transparently as possible. Using terms like “going to sleep” or “going to a farm” are actually more confusing for a child than comforting. They might confuse/associate sleep with death and think that their pet will come back home one day. It is best to tell them in simple terms that their friend is in pain. You can explain that we give them medicines to help, but that they have stopped working. When the medicines we use to stop their pain are no longer working, the kindest thing to do for them is to help them die.
Children Aged Over 8
By the time a child is 8, they are usually fully able to understand what is happening. They will likely have developed a strong attachment to their pet, and can comprehend that their beloved friend is getting old/sick and that they are in pain. Again, we advise using clear, transparent language. If your child asks questions, be sure to answer them in terms they will understand, and don’t try to conceal the truth so as to “shield” them from pain. In the end, this usually causes more harm than good.
Why Should Children be Present?
Allowing for healthy grieving is an important part of your child’s development. Death, grief, and sadness are all parts of life, and giving your child the opportunity to be a part of the process will allow your child to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Showing a child that crying, sadness, and emotions are ok will help them understand their own emotions. If you or your child does not want to be present for the euthanasia, and only wants to say goodbye, then that is perfectly ok too.
The most important thing is that your child knows what is happening and has the opportunity to participate to the degree they feel comfortable. Ask them what they would like to do at the time of the euthanasia and then help them do that. Your child may have questions you don’t feel comfortable answering or don't know how to explain. If this happens, Dr. Chandler can talk with your child and help them understand this part of life. There are also excellent resources for talking with children about loss and grief in the links on our Grief Resources page on our website. We would highly recommend visiting the Veterinary Wisdom page: Kids and Grief.
Is It Scary for Children?
We do our best to insure that nothing violent or traumatic happens during a euthanasia. Should your child choose to be present, they will not likely witness anything scary or disturbing. Your pet is given a sedative that helps them go to sleep over 5-10 minutes, and then the euthanasia solution is administered, ensuring a smooth transition.
How to Say Goodbye with Children
Children, especially if they are in that 5+ age group, need a chance to say goodbye and get a sense of closure. There are many ways you can help your child process what is happening and remember the good moments with their pet. You can put together a photo album of pictures with your pet, or let your children draw pictures of them. You can put together a playlist of music that reminds you of them or make paw-print imprints. For more ideas, read our Paying Tribute While Grieving for a Pet Blog post.
To give you some perspective on the importance of being transparent with children, consider this story from one of our clients. A client had scheduled the in-home euthanasia of their yellow Lab, Tuli, and asked if she should tell her 7 year old that it was going to happen. We told her that she definitely should have the conversation before the appointment.
When we arrived for the euthanasia, we found the room full of stuffed animals. The client said that her daughter couldn’t be present because of school, but that she wanted Tuli to be surrounded by her friends, so that she didn’t feel alone. The 7 year old had said goodbye that morning, and told her mom on the way to school that she was happy she got to tell Tuli she loved her one more time, and that she hoped the stuffed animals would help her be less scared. The client said that telling her daughter was the right decision.
If you would like to speak with Dr. chandler about the presence of your children, and what might work best for your family, feel free to contact us anytime.
We also have more information about the presence of children during euthanasia on our FAQ page.
Check our our other blog posts for more helpful information.
